Ponyo English Dumbed Version -take II

First of all let me start by saying that Bloggers Autosave feature means that, it might SAY it's autosaving, but you still need to press that SAVE NOW button if you actually want it to SAVE your autosaves. So there goes about an hour's worth of my writing down the drain.

Also, I would like to thank Firefox for freezing on me. Now where was I?

For those of you who read my Facebook posts, you will recognize this first part, but I shall continue into more detail afterwards.

"NO ANIME needs little children rapping the theme song while big sister-Cyrus sings backup. Scratch that. NO MOVIE; NO TV SHOW; NO RADIO SHOW; NO... ANYTHING... EVER needs that. *SIGH*. SADLY I think this is one of the rare occasions that I can say the Disney butchering of a story was the better movie. At least in their Little Mermaid there was a likable evil witch and a singing crab with a Jamaican accent. This movie *at least in the American dubbed version* had Liam Neeson rehashing his lines from Taken (child friendly) and a couple annoying Disney-TV brats with their 'lovable little lisps' cooing over poorly written dialogue. Tomorrow night I'll trying watching it in the Japanese when I'm not so tired and see if it's any better that way. Blaaahhhhhhhhhh......"

Yes I realize that in this post say this Disney version is better than this Disney release. Let me explain to those of you who don't understand the world of animation so well.

Disney released their version of 'the Little Mermaid' in 1989. This is the version most people think about when they hear the words 'Little' and 'Mermaid' put together in a sentence. Ariel, Sebastian, Eric, Ursula... the whole bit comes from here.

Now some 20 years later Hayao Miyazaki decided to make his version of the Hans Christian Anderson story. Anything Hayao Miyazaki releases is under contract to be released through Buena Vista distribution company here in America, and Buena Vista is owned by the 'wonderful' Disney Corporation. As such Disney drags their paws through the mess and get to not only translate the piece into what they think the English should sound like but also get their salary paid child 'actors' to put their voices to it. Sometimes they even manage to talk big brother (or in this case Big sister) into making an appearance on the soundtrack. This is particularly bad for me since my moron of a roommate listens to nothing but Radio Disney, so I'm sure to be hearing this crap-rap over and over and over again for the next few months.

Now on to the story. Ponyo is a goldfish, who's father is an evil sorcerer and whos mother is some sort of fish/ocean/nature/moon goddess who's never really explained. Ponyo manages to find her way to the surface one day where she's found by a 5 year old boy named Sasuke. Sasuke hurts himself trying to save Ponyo, and she licks up his blood all Audrey II style. Ponyo falls deeply madly in love with Sasuke and ham (the only redeeming feature of this movie I could find) until Daddy comes to take Ponyo back to her home.

(Note: I said that Sasuke is 5 years old. Ponyo, who's age is never told, is said to appear the same age/size as Sasuke. I suppose we're meant to assume two five-year-old kids can fall head over heels in love with one another over the span of one afternoon. Ooh and by the way, at this point in the movie Ponyo is STILL A FISH!!)

Ponyo decides to disobey daddy's orders and run swim away back to the human world, where she manages to trade in her fins and tail for a set of arms and legs. A giant tsunami follows as Daddy's 'storms' back off to find his little girl *despite the fact he has several hundred more at home* and havoc ensues. Fleets of cargo ships are tossed about, the moon is nearly smashed into the earth, and all of Japan is sunken a couple miles under the sea. 'Unda da sea... Unda da sea... Eet is much betta down where eets wetta... take eet from me!!!' Sorry. Had to do that.

A final test of their true love is put into action and upon proving themselves to dear mother and father, Ponyo is allowed to stay as a human with her two true loves. Sasuke and a slab of pork.
Finally the film fades to black on a still frame of Ponyo floating in the air, kissing the young Sasuke on the lips.

Now I left out SEVERAL major plot points and characters. What are they? I'm not telling. I'm not here to tell you the story of the movie, I'm just here to give you my opinion of the movie. You'll have to watch the movie for yourself to see what you think. And yes, I think you should watch the movie. Just maybe avoid the American dumb-dubbed version.

As far as animes go, I rate this movie a solid 3 out of 5. Of course I rate MOST anime 3/5 because that's what an AVERAGE rating means. It was an AVERAGE movie. Not great, but not horrible either.

Does this make me want to go to the ocean and buy a pet goldfish? No. Does it make me want to never see the ocean again or go on any sort of fishie-killing spree? No. How does this movie make me feel? Like I want a nice slab of grilled ham and a nice hot cup of tea.

Tomorrow I'll watch the Japanese subtitled version of the movie and see how it rates. I'll let you know then.

Ponyo - English Dumbed version.