I know nobody cares, but here is my list of the top movies of 2010. I will try to keep this list updates as more movies come out and I get a chance to see them. I may also try to put out a full list of movies released this year, but you can find those several places online.
1.) Expendables
2.) A-team
3.) Iron Man 2
4.) the Losers
5.) Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
6.) Clash of the Titans
7.) Kick-Ass
8.) Universal Soldier: Regeneration
9.) Hot Tub Time Machine
10.) Tom and Jerry meet Sherlock Holmes
11.) Cop Out
12.) Diary of a Wimpy Kid
13.) the Runaways
14.) Leap Year
15.) Bounty Hunter *Bad-Bad-Horrible movie, but still better than a lot of other shit.*
16.) Furry Vengeance
17.) Last Song
18-48.) Reserved for movies I have not yet seen this year.
49.) Our Family Wedding *Why the fuck did we need another, even MORE RACIST version of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. Wasn't Guess Who bad enough?*
50.) Defendor *Honestly I couldn't even sit through the entire movie. I was that sick of it*
51.) Tim Burton's Abomination in Underland...... *I was stuck at the IMAX watching this in 3-D with a couple friends. Otherwise, I would have walked out on it.* *actually, I never would have ever gone to see it in the first place.....*
52.) Doc West - A spaghetti western shot in New Mexico. If you're going to shoot a western in the Southwestern US, at least use English speaking actors you don't have to dub over. And why the hell was the end theme a pop-song sung by an italian in Engrish? FUCK!
53.) McGruber I didn't think anything could possibly be worse than Tim Butrons Malice in Blunderland, but this was SO MUCH WORSE I had to force myself to sit and watch it. Afterwards I followed it up by Doc West, which I say is THE WORST movie I've ever seen, but I think it may have just been the McGruber talking.
Movies I am wanting to see:
Grown Ups
Robin Hood
Predators
Jonah Hex
Tron 2
Movies I am NOT waiting for:
Last Airbender
Prince of Persia
Kung-Fu Kid
Disney's anything else ever again.... *except Tron 2*
Dinner for Schmucks
Fright Night remake...
Monday, August 2, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Planet Hulk
First of all, I want to say that just b/c the other three pseudo-Things don't wear any clothing, that doesn't mean I need to see up the skirt of the one good pseudo-thing that DOES wear one. And furthermore why does he wear a skirt if he doesn't wear anything UNDER IT? And MOST IMPORTANTLY... WHO THE FUCK DREW THIS SHIT??!!?
Also, I'd like to say that I am writing this as I watch the movie. This is pretty much a play by play with major plot points left out so as not to spoil the story.
So apparently Hulk is too dangerous for Earth, so the Illuminati (not the good ones the Marvel uinverse ones) have sent Hulk away. And apparently some planet needs an evil green nuclear beast to save them. This is the setup we are presented with for this movie.
Hulks ship smashes to the ground and a flood of his blood becomes our opening cg sequence. Hulks blood is made of shrooms people. Guess that's why these bug people want him so bad. And these other pink people. But the pink people want him more and ship him off to be a slave.
The first Colleseum battle is disappointing. I did like watching the bugs get squished though. There was one good line with "Hulk slash!", but the rest of the dialogue I could have done without. Not that I REMEMBER any of it. And what was with crossing characters from Star Wars (Eps I-III and Extended Universe) with the Stargate Goa'uld?
A few boring flashbacks later to introduce our canon fodder and our characters get thrown into the pit of Geonosis and have to fight off robo-insects. I can honestly say I'd rather be watching Spartacus, or any other gladiator movie than this at the time. Wait. Hulk just got eaten by the robo-wurm and OF COURSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.. surprise surprise he rips himself out, and slashes all the way down it's belly in the style of so many anime we've all seen.
So the people of the planet think Hulk is some kind of predestined god, here to save their people. Of course the evil emperor wants no talk of this and decides Hulk should be some slave, used to entertain the people by fighting to the death. wait. 34 minutes in and we're suddenly at flashback number... I dunno.. 18 it seems like. *god there's still another hour to go in this crap*. It's the flood!!!!!! Now we're ripping off Halo. And NOW we're ripping off Claymore. *sigh* Our brave newly introduced... conflicted moch-hero and bodyguard to the emperor must chop up her family b/c they have been infected by the evil space mutant zombie insect thingies. Wait I think I just just saw Master Chief run crying out of the picture.
My buddy Timmy would like me to point out... "Those things are red. The King's red... 2 + 2 = 4."
Hold on a second. Hulk just now turned from stupid hulk into smart hulk at the blink of an eye. Earlier it was all Hulk this and Hulk that. Now he's talking about how "I'm not a slave to anyone, so tell your king he needs to blah blah blah" Hell, maybe I've just gotten dumber and he's just starting to SEEM smarter to me. I can't tell.
Yay, Beta Ray Bill is here and now is smashy time! "You broke the disk. I'm free! *thwak* Wwwaaaaaahhhhhh *thud" Many laughs. Why the long face there Bill? Gawddamn how can this be so predictable?
Skipping. It's the only way to travel. "If only you'ld listened to me." If only I hadn't guessed this 20 minutes ago... Finally Hulk and his new girlfriend get to battle and maybe they'll reveal the big secret. OOps no. The kings plan begins to fail and more of those floody fuckers start to show up. "See. I told you. They're red. The king's red." ~Timmy.
Good pseudo-thing just did his best aaaahhnold impersonation. "Everybody this way.. Everybody mooove!"
OOoohhh... Flood-Hulk. "Sire, we need help. The spikes have returned" "I know. I sent them." "Told ya" ~ Timmy. *sigh*
Wow... That was cool. Apparently, just like in Halo, Flamethrower is good against Flood. REALLY REALLY GOOD. It killed EVERYTHING. Except for the chick with the impervious skin. The little girl in her arms.. not so lucky. Just a hint here people. Do NOT let this lady hold you. SOMETHING BAD will happen.
"I'm not dead. I'm just MAD." notinthefacenotintheface!!! RUN!!! I think Emperor Gundam just let loose his entire volley of chest rockets. And he messed up Hulks hair. Now he's gotta pay.
Did the bug just go sledding for a strike? I need to get me one of those shields before the next big snow-storm.
Emperor gets a taste of his own medicine. Literally. And now we all live happily ever after? Wait. False ending. Hulk kiss pretty girl now? No. He gets interrupted FOR.... Hulk's coronation.
Through Hulk we find peace. Yeah ain't that a kick in the pants.
Finally it's over and I think I'm gonna go play some Borderlands or something to get that mess outta my head.
My rating: 2 out of 5 stars. Timmy's guest rating: 3 out of 5.
Also, I'd like to say that I am writing this as I watch the movie. This is pretty much a play by play with major plot points left out so as not to spoil the story.
So apparently Hulk is too dangerous for Earth, so the Illuminati (not the good ones the Marvel uinverse ones) have sent Hulk away. And apparently some planet needs an evil green nuclear beast to save them. This is the setup we are presented with for this movie.
Hulks ship smashes to the ground and a flood of his blood becomes our opening cg sequence. Hulks blood is made of shrooms people. Guess that's why these bug people want him so bad. And these other pink people. But the pink people want him more and ship him off to be a slave.
The first Colleseum battle is disappointing. I did like watching the bugs get squished though. There was one good line with "Hulk slash!", but the rest of the dialogue I could have done without. Not that I REMEMBER any of it. And what was with crossing characters from Star Wars (Eps I-III and Extended Universe) with the Stargate Goa'uld?
A few boring flashbacks later to introduce our canon fodder and our characters get thrown into the pit of Geonosis and have to fight off robo-insects. I can honestly say I'd rather be watching Spartacus, or any other gladiator movie than this at the time. Wait. Hulk just got eaten by the robo-wurm and OF COURSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.. surprise surprise he rips himself out, and slashes all the way down it's belly in the style of so many anime we've all seen.
So the people of the planet think Hulk is some kind of predestined god, here to save their people. Of course the evil emperor wants no talk of this and decides Hulk should be some slave, used to entertain the people by fighting to the death. wait. 34 minutes in and we're suddenly at flashback number... I dunno.. 18 it seems like. *god there's still another hour to go in this crap*. It's the flood!!!!!! Now we're ripping off Halo. And NOW we're ripping off Claymore. *sigh* Our brave newly introduced... conflicted moch-hero and bodyguard to the emperor must chop up her family b/c they have been infected by the evil space mutant zombie insect thingies. Wait I think I just just saw Master Chief run crying out of the picture.
My buddy Timmy would like me to point out... "Those things are red. The King's red... 2 + 2 = 4."
Hold on a second. Hulk just now turned from stupid hulk into smart hulk at the blink of an eye. Earlier it was all Hulk this and Hulk that. Now he's talking about how "I'm not a slave to anyone, so tell your king he needs to blah blah blah" Hell, maybe I've just gotten dumber and he's just starting to SEEM smarter to me. I can't tell.
Yay, Beta Ray Bill is here and now is smashy time! "You broke the disk. I'm free! *thwak* Wwwaaaaaahhhhhh *thud" Many laughs. Why the long face there Bill? Gawddamn how can this be so predictable?
Skipping. It's the only way to travel. "If only you'ld listened to me." If only I hadn't guessed this 20 minutes ago... Finally Hulk and his new girlfriend get to battle and maybe they'll reveal the big secret. OOps no. The kings plan begins to fail and more of those floody fuckers start to show up. "See. I told you. They're red. The king's red." ~Timmy.
Good pseudo-thing just did his best aaaahhnold impersonation. "Everybody this way.. Everybody mooove!"
OOoohhh... Flood-Hulk. "Sire, we need help. The spikes have returned" "I know. I sent them." "Told ya" ~ Timmy. *sigh*
Wow... That was cool. Apparently, just like in Halo, Flamethrower is good against Flood. REALLY REALLY GOOD. It killed EVERYTHING. Except for the chick with the impervious skin. The little girl in her arms.. not so lucky. Just a hint here people. Do NOT let this lady hold you. SOMETHING BAD will happen.
"I'm not dead. I'm just MAD." notinthefacenotintheface!!! RUN!!! I think Emperor Gundam just let loose his entire volley of chest rockets. And he messed up Hulks hair. Now he's gotta pay.
Did the bug just go sledding for a strike? I need to get me one of those shields before the next big snow-storm.
Emperor gets a taste of his own medicine. Literally. And now we all live happily ever after? Wait. False ending. Hulk kiss pretty girl now? No. He gets interrupted FOR.... Hulk's coronation.
Through Hulk we find peace. Yeah ain't that a kick in the pants.
Finally it's over and I think I'm gonna go play some Borderlands or something to get that mess outta my head.
My rating: 2 out of 5 stars. Timmy's guest rating: 3 out of 5.
Score one for the Disney Corporation.
No, I'm not saying the Disney English-Dumbed version of Ponyo is better. I'm just saying that after an annoying day at work I got home and fell asleep. Unfortunately I have to pass the movie along tomorrow, but I'm sure my roommate will buy a copy tomorrow so I'll get a chance to watch it soon in glorious blu-ray. I'll review it then. In the meantime I plan on doing a review of Planet Hulk. But now, for sleep. It's 4 in the morning already.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Ponyo English Dumbed Version -take II
First of all let me start by saying that Bloggers Autosave feature means that, it might SAY it's autosaving, but you still need to press that SAVE NOW button if you actually want it to SAVE your autosaves. So there goes about an hour's worth of my writing down the drain.
Also, I would like to thank Firefox for freezing on me. Now where was I?
For those of you who read my Facebook posts, you will recognize this first part, but I shall continue into more detail afterwards.
"NO ANIME needs little children rapping the theme song while big sister-Cyrus sings backup. Scratch that. NO MOVIE; NO TV SHOW; NO RADIO SHOW; NO... ANYTHING... EVER needs that. *SIGH*. SADLY I think this is one of the rare occasions that I can say the Disney butchering of a story was the better movie. At least in their Little Mermaid there was a likable evil witch and a singing crab with a Jamaican accent. This movie *at least in the American dubbed version* had Liam Neeson rehashing his lines from Taken (child friendly) and a couple annoying Disney-TV brats with their 'lovable little lisps' cooing over poorly written dialogue. Tomorrow night I'll trying watching it in the Japanese when I'm not so tired and see if it's any better that way. Blaaahhhhhhhhhh......"
Yes I realize that in this post say this Disney version is better than this Disney release. Let me explain to those of you who don't understand the world of animation so well.
Disney released their version of 'the Little Mermaid' in 1989. This is the version most people think about when they hear the words 'Little' and 'Mermaid' put together in a sentence. Ariel, Sebastian, Eric, Ursula... the whole bit comes from here.
Now some 20 years later Hayao Miyazaki decided to make his version of the Hans Christian Anderson story. Anything Hayao Miyazaki releases is under contract to be released through Buena Vista distribution company here in America, and Buena Vista is owned by the 'wonderful' Disney Corporation. As such Disney drags their paws through the mess and get to not only translate the piece into what they think the English should sound like but also get their salary paid child 'actors' to put their voices to it. Sometimes they even manage to talk big brother (or in this case Big sister) into making an appearance on the soundtrack. This is particularly bad for me since my moron of a roommate listens to nothing but Radio Disney, so I'm sure to be hearing this crap-rap over and over and over again for the next few months.
Now on to the story. Ponyo is a goldfish, who's father is an evil sorcerer and whos mother is some sort of fish/ocean/nature/moon goddess who's never really explained. Ponyo manages to find her way to the surface one day where she's found by a 5 year old boy named Sasuke. Sasuke hurts himself trying to save Ponyo, and she licks up his blood all Audrey II style. Ponyo falls deeply madly in love with Sasuke and ham (the only redeeming feature of this movie I could find) until Daddy comes to take Ponyo back to her home.
(Note: I said that Sasuke is 5 years old. Ponyo, who's age is never told, is said to appear the same age/size as Sasuke. I suppose we're meant to assume two five-year-old kids can fall head over heels in love with one another over the span of one afternoon. Ooh and by the way, at this point in the movie Ponyo is STILL A FISH!!)
Ponyo decides to disobey daddy's orders andrun swim away back to the human world, where she manages to trade in her fins and tail for a set of arms and legs. A giant tsunami follows as Daddy's 'storms' back off to find his little girl *despite the fact he has several hundred more at home* and havoc ensues. Fleets of cargo ships are tossed about, the moon is nearly smashed into the earth, and all of Japan is sunken a couple miles under the sea. 'Unda da sea... Unda da sea... Eet is much betta down where eets wetta... take eet from me!!!' Sorry. Had to do that.
A final test of their true love is put into action and upon proving themselves to dear mother and father, Ponyo is allowed to stay as a human with her two true loves. Sasuke and a slab of pork.
Finally the film fades to black on a still frame of Ponyo floating in the air, kissing the young Sasuke on the lips.
Now I left out SEVERAL major plot points and characters. What are they? I'm not telling. I'm not here to tell you the story of the movie, I'm just here to give you my opinion of the movie. You'll have to watch the movie for yourself to see what you think. And yes, I think you should watch the movie. Just maybe avoid the American dumb-dubbed version.
As far as animes go, I rate this movie a solid 3 out of 5. Of course I rate MOST anime 3/5 because that's what an AVERAGE rating means. It was an AVERAGE movie. Not great, but not horrible either.
Does this make me want to go to the ocean and buy a pet goldfish? No. Does it make me want to never see the ocean again or go on any sort of fishie-killing spree? No. How does this movie make me feel? Like I want a nice slab of grilled ham and a nice hot cup of tea.
Tomorrow I'll watch the Japanese subtitled version of the movie and see how it rates. I'll let you know then.
Also, I would like to thank Firefox for freezing on me. Now where was I?
For those of you who read my Facebook posts, you will recognize this first part, but I shall continue into more detail afterwards.
"NO ANIME needs little children rapping the theme song while big sister-Cyrus sings backup. Scratch that. NO MOVIE; NO TV SHOW; NO RADIO SHOW; NO... ANYTHING... EVER needs that. *SIGH*. SADLY I think this is one of the rare occasions that I can say the Disney butchering of a story was the better movie. At least in their Little Mermaid there was a likable evil witch and a singing crab with a Jamaican accent. This movie *at least in the American dubbed version* had Liam Neeson rehashing his lines from Taken (child friendly) and a couple annoying Disney-TV brats with their 'lovable little lisps' cooing over poorly written dialogue. Tomorrow night I'll trying watching it in the Japanese when I'm not so tired and see if it's any better that way. Blaaahhhhhhhhhh......"
Yes I realize that in this post say this Disney version is better than this Disney release. Let me explain to those of you who don't understand the world of animation so well.
Disney released their version of 'the Little Mermaid' in 1989. This is the version most people think about when they hear the words 'Little' and 'Mermaid' put together in a sentence. Ariel, Sebastian, Eric, Ursula... the whole bit comes from here.
Now some 20 years later Hayao Miyazaki decided to make his version of the Hans Christian Anderson story. Anything Hayao Miyazaki releases is under contract to be released through Buena Vista distribution company here in America, and Buena Vista is owned by the 'wonderful' Disney Corporation. As such Disney drags their paws through the mess and get to not only translate the piece into what they think the English should sound like but also get their salary paid child 'actors' to put their voices to it. Sometimes they even manage to talk big brother (or in this case Big sister) into making an appearance on the soundtrack. This is particularly bad for me since my moron of a roommate listens to nothing but Radio Disney, so I'm sure to be hearing this crap-rap over and over and over again for the next few months.
Now on to the story. Ponyo is a goldfish, who's father is an evil sorcerer and whos mother is some sort of fish/ocean/nature/moon goddess who's never really explained. Ponyo manages to find her way to the surface one day where she's found by a 5 year old boy named Sasuke. Sasuke hurts himself trying to save Ponyo, and she licks up his blood all Audrey II style. Ponyo falls deeply madly in love with Sasuke and ham (the only redeeming feature of this movie I could find) until Daddy comes to take Ponyo back to her home.
(Note: I said that Sasuke is 5 years old. Ponyo, who's age is never told, is said to appear the same age/size as Sasuke. I suppose we're meant to assume two five-year-old kids can fall head over heels in love with one another over the span of one afternoon. Ooh and by the way, at this point in the movie Ponyo is STILL A FISH!!)
Ponyo decides to disobey daddy's orders and
A final test of their true love is put into action and upon proving themselves to dear mother and father, Ponyo is allowed to stay as a human with her two true loves. Sasuke and a slab of pork.
Finally the film fades to black on a still frame of Ponyo floating in the air, kissing the young Sasuke on the lips.
Now I left out SEVERAL major plot points and characters. What are they? I'm not telling. I'm not here to tell you the story of the movie, I'm just here to give you my opinion of the movie. You'll have to watch the movie for yourself to see what you think. And yes, I think you should watch the movie. Just maybe avoid the American dumb-dubbed version.
As far as animes go, I rate this movie a solid 3 out of 5. Of course I rate MOST anime 3/5 because that's what an AVERAGE rating means. It was an AVERAGE movie. Not great, but not horrible either.
Does this make me want to go to the ocean and buy a pet goldfish? No. Does it make me want to never see the ocean again or go on any sort of fishie-killing spree? No. How does this movie make me feel? Like I want a nice slab of grilled ham and a nice hot cup of tea.
Tomorrow I'll watch the Japanese subtitled version of the movie and see how it rates. I'll let you know then.
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